Love is not Enough
by MyEdwardJacob
Summary: How can you love someone else the way they deserve to be loved if you don't love yourself first? Bella finds some self-respect and decides that sometimes love is not always enough. A New Moon deviation. AU, Eventual HEA


**I own nothing.**

"_I don't want you to come"_

The blood was pounding in my ears so loudly after that comment that all I could see was red. He looked like he was going to continue, but I had to stop him there. I need a minute before I decided to break my hand on his nose. So I held up my hand to get him to stop and give me a minute to process all this.

He didn't want me to come. He didn't want me anymore. The question was why? Why? I knew why, it's about my 'soul'. I wanted to argue, beg, plead; I wanted to slap him for making decisions for me.

"_Ok_." I said instead.

"_Ok_?" he repeats. He looks briefly stunned, before his face is back to his carefully blank mask.

It's then that I know what I have to do, what I have to say if I am ever going to respect myself. Love myself.

"_Yeah, I can see from the look on your face and your behavior these last few days that you're not going to change your mind. You've already decided this without me and nothing I say or do will change your mind._

_I mean I guess I always knew you weren't going to stay with me. You've been running from the day we met, and had one foot out the door since you returned, but I'm starting to realize you never really loved me at all."_

I surprised even myself with my statement, but then I realized the truth of it all. How could he ever love me if he doesn't love himself? How could I continue a relationship with someone who doesn't respect my opinions or life choices? I understand that I don't know what it means to be a vampire, but it's not like he would explain it to me. The more I thought about it, the clearer it was that he's always held back who he really was with me. I don't think I ever truly knew him.

I look back at him and I see his shock as clear as day and he looks speechless. I think he expected me to fight him in this, but I knew I couldn't do that without compromising any more of my self-respect. It's not that I didn't love him. I loved him with a passion and fierceness, I couldn't even begin to explain; that I could barely contain, but the reality is, sometimes love is not enough… He was never going to let us be the equals we needed to be to make any healthy relationship work. He wanted me weak, fragile, human.

I wanted him. Just him. I didn't want to be vampire for any other reason than that I wanted to share a real life with him. A life as equal partners, where sex is possible, where my safety isn't a worry every second of the day, that my blood wouldn't cause him pain. I could not fathom spending the next 60-70 years growing old with him looking the same and never being intimate. I also realized that I could not force him to change me, and he wouldn't listen to any of my arguments. I couldn't force him to stay and I would never be happy with the life he wants me to live. He wouldn't be happy with it either.

It was time.

"_Edward, how could you possibly love me if you don't even love yourself? We were never going to be together until I was an old lady with her 'grandson' and never be intimate, never show our love in public. It would have always been a half-life. _

_Carlisle told me how you feel about your soul, about my soul, and obviously there's nothing I can say to you that will make you change your mind about that. I'm so sad that you believe that, because you have the most beautiful soul I've ever seen, but maybe this is for the best. I'm not going to force you to be with me, and I can't stay with someone who doesn't love me or respect me enough to make my own choices. __**You**__ made the choice to keep me human, __**you're **__making the choice to leave me. None of it was mine."_

I walked up to him and place my hand on his cheek and looked into those beautiful eyes for the last time. Reaching up on my toes, I gave him a light kiss and whispered,

"_i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart). Be happy Edward._

With that I turned any walked back to the house.

I didn't look back.

It was time to find Bella Swan again.

A/N: I'm not sure if I'll continue this, but I wanted to leave the opportunity to expand on a more adult relationship with Edward and Bella. I wanted a strong Bella, that had a quiet grace and dignity. A Bella who demanded equality and honesty in a relationship, not just a one dimensional relationship. I also wanted to push Edward into a corner to finally be the great character he can be. Not one who only broods and is a control freak. He met his match, his mate, but he doesn't love himself enough to keep her. It's time for Bella to love herself enough to respect his choices even if she doesn't agree with him and become the amazing woman she's meant to be.


End file.
